Queen of the 202

drinking wine can get me emotional if I'm not in the best frame of mind.
Also, I shouldn't be consuming alcohol on a school night.

fuuuuck

fuck you school work!



Suzanna Clough? Suzie Clough? Annie-Sue Clough? Anna Clough?
Susie Q Clough?




I want the experience of having a different first name for a few days. Just to see what it would be like. Would I be any different. I think so. It's astounding the amount of times I haven't attended a social function or tried some new group activity for the fear of having to introduce myself!

It's True! think of ALL the experiences I've missed out on. It's got me thinking. Maybe new name?

I already have 2 other names on my birth certificate. It's not like I'd have to find new names.

I'm being serious.

I want want want want want to do eco/sustainable artsy fartsy things! Lots of it!

I'm a beast ready to break free.


RRRRROOOWWWRRRRR!!!

so, I have a confession to make.

I'm struggling in school.
Not the learning part. That's fine. I enjoy being in class. it's the getting assignments done part.
I'm overwhelmed. I get home from school knowing I have studying to do, or research to do and I just can't bring myself to do it. I've been doing assignments last minute because I can't force myself to do them ahead of time. like. WTF?

Now stuff is starting to pile up. I'm not in grave danger, but if I let it go any longer I will be.


I haven't done laundry in ages, I cleaned the house last week for the potluck, and it won't happen again for a while. I'm harassing my landlord about fixing the dishwasher because I CAN'T bear to do any more dishes. I have piles of 'stuff' everywhere that I can't bring myself to organize or sort through.

I know I could get through this, it's going to take some discipline. I just don't know if I have it! I've been devoid of discipline for soooooooooooo long. Really.
Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh

laksdfoiawejakldjfa

okay, off to do some work. hopefully.

I start school tomorrow! I'm super excited! I'm excited to learn! I'm really really excited!

I haven't felt so excited for a long time.

Life is great!

Love,

Linnea

also, I love my friends!!! :) :) :) :)

Your face is an Lj Entry!


Your face is post to squid_queen!

I'm full of love ( and tea ) today! I love my friends! Also; my family

I'm drinking a lot of alcohol. yes, that's right. yesterday it was beer. Tonight it's non-virgin Shirley Temple. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh yeah.

so I met the super duper attractive neighbour today. He introduced himself and then I went to introduce myself and I found I couldn't say name! Stupid speech impediment, brought on by nervousness. When I couldn't get it out, I think I said 'fuck'. OMG, he must think I'm a winner! I did say it in the end. but the stupidness was already done.

Damn.

Situation 1: I'm having a bad day and I tell you this. You say "Do you know why? Maybe if you knew why, you'd be able to stop feeling sad/mad/bad." I say "Great idea, I'll think seriously about it and once I find the answer, I can apply this knowledge on a daily basis. Thanks friend."

We high-five.


Situation 2: I'm having a great day and I tell you this. You say "Do you know why? If you know what is making you happy then maybe you will stop having sad/mad/bad days." I say "That's a great idea. I'd like to have this feeling a lot more. If I know why I'm happy then I will be able to be happy most, if not all, of the time. Thanks friend"

We high-five.



Which situation is more plausible? I ask this because I've attempted a conversation like Situation 2, by saying " I'd like to identify the cause of my happiness today so that I can do the same thing tomorrow and be happy again."

The answer I've always received is - Don't analyze, just roll with it.
Now, I'm sure you wouldn't be saying that if I was having a terrible day, so why would you say it if I was having a good day. If I want to improve my life, shouldn't I be aware of what makes me happy so that I can be happy all (or most of)the time?

I just don't geddit.


ps High-Five!

Why is it that every time I come back to PEI I'm always reluctant to get out of bed, and I'm always hungry even though I've eaten a huge breakfast.


I couldn't be bother to get to the Farmers Market today. The weather is very grim today. Blah.

so, it's 1:20am, and i've just buffed and shined my nails, and am now painting them. i really should be in bed. i'm ridiculous!

so that last entry I made, about dancing.

What does it mean?

as i walked to the grocery store, walking to the beat of the music in my earphones, I got the sudden urge to dance! I wanted to twirl and dance and prance. But not with everybody looking at me. So I tried to find a large open space close by where I could go and dance. Not that easy to find.

I did find one, behind a fence, behind a sign that said No Trespassers. Trespassers will be prosecuted. Department of National Defence.

Damn. Thwarted. Then my iPod died.

But! I did do a few twirls and some skips and some tapping of toes on the way to Trespasser central. So not all was lost.


Next time, I'll force myself to dance on the street. Maybe.

Hurrah!

Oh yeah!

Yes Please!

Word to yo' motha'!

Do a little dance, make a little love......!

Dance a jig!

I went dancing twice this weekend. Two different places, two different styles of music. With not much alcohol in me. I may dance like a fool, but I really don't care! Move your body! Did I mention I loved Indie Pop Night. Yes!

So my last post was very positive. I was in a jubilant mood. Oh yes I was. The reason why was because I had come to a decision that I really wanted to make films. I was going to do whatever it took to make that happen. So I signed up with the Atlantic Film Coop, and took a few courses. Mostly on the workings of Super16 and 35mm cameras.

It was interesting. These machines are complicated!! But it didn't inspire me in any way. I could have had the chance to work on a film set, but that opportunity is gone now, and that's okay. I just want to make my own stuff, and edit it myself. I don't want to work as a camera operator, or a grip. At least, not right now.

I'm going to buy a small video camera, and just start shooting. I might need extras! I'll let you know.

Last post Oct 28/07.

I'm full of hope-and nervousness- for the future!

I think I had a breakthrough tonight.

I just hope I can keep it going.

My stomach is all in knots!


More later!

I haven't posted since 07/07/07.

Reason? I'm addicted to Facebook, and I just haven't made the time.

I'm moved in to my new place now. Just finished painting my room, and it's nice and bright. Yellow to be specific (or pacific, as I've heard people say. haha). We will be having a house warming, as soon as the place is in good shape. We've done a lot of work, and still have more to do, to get things tip top. We painted the whole place. Yikes.

Anyway, it's been a long few days (or week) so I must be off to bed. Bye Bye!

I won't be flying out till thursday night. The cremation won't be happening till next Monday.

Phew.


This is hard. It's hard when your family is not around you. Just for someone to cry with and talk too. I just talked to my mother on the phone. . She's going to try to book a flight for herself tomorrow night. Which means I have to get through the next few days.

I'm going back to bed, and then to work.

I'm flying out to England tomorrow night. My grandmother passed away this weekend. She was 93.
I'm not sure when the funeral is. My uncle is flying in ( to the UK) from Greece tomorrow, so when we all arrive I'm sure we'll get things sorted. I've never had anybody close to me die before. I think I'm still in shock, but it will hit me when I arrive in the country.

Good thing I did a crap load of laundry today. Now I have to pack.

I'll be back on Sunday.